i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize