p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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