Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
