Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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