Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
