did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
