ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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