i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boobs speak an international language.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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