He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
