I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
