the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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