gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
