I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
