That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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