So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
