My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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