I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
