im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
