Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
