New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize