well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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