OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
