Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
