What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
