I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
