It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude. I can hear the air.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize