I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
