He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
