you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I deserve this hangover.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize