Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
