So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
