dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
