He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
