Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
