I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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