cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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