I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
