Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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