He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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