so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
