we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Someone came in the potted fern
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
