I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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