She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize