He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They have beer where we have blood.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
