Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
