Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
