I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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