i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I have vodka in my lungs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
