I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
