i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
