My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
