brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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