i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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