god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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