I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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