I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
