some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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