I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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