I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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