i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and she was petting her beer can
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
