NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
