this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I smell like Dick and happiness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
