there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
