Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
