I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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