I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
