I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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